This one has been a long time coming. I think the shock of this situation has been replaced by new even more shocking events that totally eclipse it in every way.
In 2004, I met a nice man, Adam (who will eventually become Secret Agent Man), on Yahoo Personals. Internet dating had progressed past infancy into adolescence, although it was still not as acceptable as it is today. Many of us were secretly searching for someone special with the aid of online services. Yahoo Personals would eventually become Match.com. I was living in Asheville at the time and working for a facility serving adjudicated adolescent males (Yes, it was a prison). My long-term boyfriend was constantly playing games. We had broken up. Adam was quite a bit younger, almost fresh out of college and working as a chemist in a healthcare facility just down the mountain. We connected immediately and made plans to meet. Several attempts failed and in those days, I hadn't quite got the memo on suspicious behavior. Several months into our online courtship, I received an email that he had recently met someone but was still interested in me. I don't know why I entertained it.
Adam was an exhibitionist. He loved to send photographs of himself often wearing only his birthday suit. One time I convinced him to masturbate on his webcam. He was a ham and loved having an audience. The issue of the "girlfriend" did not seem to deter him. Over the years that passed, Adam repeatedly declared his love for me. We were both going through transient times in our lives. I moved away to Boone for graduate school, he to Raleigh to pursue a career in the SBI. We lost touch, but then his access to records made me easy to find. I could never understand how the girlfriend would settle for moving around the state, for someone who couldn't quite take the next step. During the interim, I met my daughter's father and became pregnant. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning. It seems that Adam was always there.
The beauty of an online relationship is like that of old school penpals. It was easy to confide in each other, our fears, our dreams. As I moved into my new role as a mother, Adam came to visit on his wasy from here to there. We took my daughter to the park and had dinner. She was all but six months old. Many times he told me that I was the woman he'd always dreamed of, if only our timing was different, or that we lived in the same area. Almost the day that I was able to move back to Asheville, he had sold his home there and had accepted a position with the FBI in western Tenessee. I could map out a clear timeline of his life (clothed and unclothed photographs included)... his training for the SBI, FBI, SWAT... all of it was there in eight years of emails.
In the winter of 2011, he had plans to attend a court hearing outside of Asheville. We had planned to get together for months. That winter was a particularly harsh one. It snowed almost every week. That week was no different. The day before our long-awaited meeting, a heavy winter storm blasted most of the southeast, leaving the mountain passage from Tennessee to North Carolina completely impassable for several days. He was relieved of having to testify. It seems that time, nature, and the universe in general was against us.
Almost a year passed when we made plans to meet in Nashville for my birthday. Again, he had to work. After years, I was getting annoyed. I hadn't dated after my daughter's birth, so being blown off was just unacceptable. He sent several more emails over the coming months.
Adam attended NC State for his undergraduate degree. Every time I've seen Wolfpack merchandise or travel to Raleigh, I would think of him. In February, I was hired for my new position and in early March had a one-weekend search for a rental property. On my long trip back to Asheville, I began texting him about the move. It was then that he said that he would be travelling to Asheville in a week on his way to Quantico for training. It seems that all the pieces were coming together.
On a beautiful Sunday in March, I met him at his hotel. Now, I know what you're thinking, why would I do this? We had been friends and built up the moment for so long, that the only fear I had was that we didn't have the connection, that it was all unreal. That was not the case. Our time together could not have been staged by any film director. We had amazing sex, then went out into Asheville for an great dinner and chocolate (at my favorite chocolatier, of course!). Among all the dates I've had in my life, this one ranks on top. I was elated as we strolled through downtown, his arm around my waist. It was perfect. I found out that he had the option of flying to Quantico and that he chose to drive so that he could see me. I couldn't have been happier.
The next morning was hard. I didn't want to leave him; he didn't want to leave me. We held each other in the longest embrace. But the reality of the day and our professional obligations took over. On my way to work, I reflected on our time.... and then a dark feeling started to creep in. I told several of my best friends at work about the amazing time I had, but that I also felt something was amiss. I had even asked him if there was anything I need to know about him. There was just nothing. His response was, "That my life is boring".
So I Googled him. And that's when I saw in the search the name "Amanda" associated with him. And that's when it all became clear. This girl never settled. He was married. A property record search confirmed what I suspected. She was the missing piece. When and how long? My daughter's father cheated on me and I couldn't imagine how this would affect her. I always maintained that I wanted to know. Everyone in our social group knew about his extra-curricular activities. I would have approched the situation differently. I was tasked with communicating what I knew to his wife or to sit in silence.
In the end, I decided to call. I would want to know. Knowing the amount of cowardice that I had seen previously, I knew he'd never fess up. I dialed the number, mu guts were churning, and waited. A lady answered....
